Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This girl is more easily done than said...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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