Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
