cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
