she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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