if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
