I cut my penus on the lid.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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