she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
