He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize