ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she woke up with a sticky ear
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
