Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
