why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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