i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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