I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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