I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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