My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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