if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
