sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
These tits shall not be calmed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize