I must be too annoying 4 u.
ugly people sure do ruin things
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
