he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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