I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize