So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
