Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
