Whoa Z and x make the same sound
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
