Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
