he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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