Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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