I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
