yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize