Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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