True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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