I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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