i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
