I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
