So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
