I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
