so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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