Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
