there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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