Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
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I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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