Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
