I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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