so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
