i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
