Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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