Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
