Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
