His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
