Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he laminated a picture of his dick.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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