Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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