with your own penis?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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