My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
