my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
