I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
