but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
