There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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