Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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