ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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