Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I smell like Dick and happiness
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
