In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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