So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
