I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
