I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
