Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize