I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
