Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
