You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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