Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
