I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
