If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
