I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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