pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
