Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
