Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
