I accidentally had phone sex last night
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
